When you walk around with a 20cm scar 💪🏼 down they arm, 9 screws, a bone graft and a plate…. 😳
there is usually one question on everyone’s lips 👄
‘Aren’t you scared now?’👀
And as I show them my paralysed arm and a hand 🤚🏽 that doesn’t work, I always say the same thing.
‘I’m not scared now- I’m terrified’ 👣
If you’re up for some Wednesday morning TRUTH TALK- read on… ⬇️
I’ve had this post brewing for quite a while now ⏳but haven’t felt it the right time to chat about it. 🕯
When you have a serious accident, be it a car 🚘 accident or a serious health scare or like me- a riding accident, you’ll never view things the same. Ever.
If you’ve had a serious accident I’d love to see you comment👩🏼💻 how yours made you see life differently. Genuinely, I would.
For those new tribe members-🤙🏽I’ll elaborate quickly on what the heck were chin wagging about here… 🧠
Last year (on my birthday) I had a riding accident and was caught up in the saddle. I was dragged through the bush for a bit and my arm was broken in five places. 🚑
After 10 weeks in a cast it didn’t heal🤦🏼♀️ (I’m being super matter of fact here just to throw facts at you👯♂️ and jump back into the post!) and I was sent to surgery. 🍸 (I needed a few of these at the time 🍹☕️🥂🍷🥃 it wasn’t ideal 😢)
In surgery my radial nerve (that’s the cheeky fella that controls your thumb, forefinger and was discovered to have been compressed and was moved. ☀️
I woke up with a mighty big war wound and an arm and hand that didn’t work. 🌪
I was absolutely devastated.
This was said to be temporary🤞🏽 and after 3 months BOOM function would suddenly return.
But It didn’t. 😪
Last week Leigh took me for a nerve conduction study where they electrocuted me several times in my neck (just when thy think it couldn’t get any more real!) 💆♀️ and arm before putting needles 🤡into my arms and moving them around to find waves of something. ANYTHING!
(Clearly I’m finding the task of placing appropriate emojis in this post difficult 🤠)
🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼They did. Thank god! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
(Are you singing hallelujah? I am 🤭)
While the waves of couldn’t tell us when the nerve would heal, it indicated to us that it was trying! 🙏
It could be 6 weeks or 6 months or 6 years 🕰until it’s healed but it looks like it’s trying its little heart 💓 out to get there for me!
Having an injury as severe as this (severe is a word I think I disassociated🔌 with until now ‘nooo I’m fine, it’s only minor- it’ll come back!’) life won’t quite looks the same.
I’ve not done my own hair 💇🏼♀️since August 2019.
I’ve not ridden a horse since then too.
I’ve not been able to run 🏃♀️or swim or hug with two arms.
But what I have discovered is far more valuable than all of that. Truly.
I’ve always been scared to ride for as long as I can remember, 💆♀️but I’m not scared anymore.
I’m terrified. 🐝
Terrified that life is so beautifully fragile that I may never have the luxury🦋 of riding like I could before- with physical ease.
I kick myself for not seeing earlier how my limiting beliefs held me back🤯 while my body was totally able.
And amid the journey Leigh and I have been in this past 6 months 🐥was one old cocky👨🏼🌾 we met as we chatted with him about it all.
And he said🗣 ‘it’s nice to see two young folk not waste their lives’…
And wasting any of this immaculately perfect✍🏽 life is the most terrifying bit of all.
With that I’ll end this post by proclaiming that by hook or by crook🍀 I’ll be back on a horse with so much gratitude that I have the honour of climbing aboard.
The fear of wasting a minute of happiness has somehow (paralysis and all) driven all of the others away… 🍁
The universe sure has a funny way of presenting gifts.
By Alexandria Cragg